Discovering Ambition: Reflections on 2014

Well, I have been neglecting the heck out of this blog! Still, I did more blogging in 2014 than in any other year, so that’s good. I hope to do even more this year!

Happy New Year! As usual, I have a lot on my mind, and figured it was time to pour some of them into writing.

Coming into the new year, I was a little down-trodden. This is not unusual for me this time of year. Emerging from the hectic holiday season, which is often some level of disappointing, the new year can sometimes be a little overwhelming as I start to evaluate the previous year and realize the amount of things I did not accomplish. However, this year, I am trying my hardest to focus more on what I accomplished in 2014. Which was quite a bit!

I started making YouTube videos in January and made them regularly all year long, totaling 50 public videos, not including a few private ones for family and friends only. When I started in January I had about 25 subscribers, mostly acquired from a now-private Justin Timberlake concert video montage. Ha!

By Christmas I grew to 1500 subscribers! I never anticipated this kind of growth. I continue to grow everyday, and I still can hardly believe people actually want to watch me. It is humbling and one of the biggest confidence boosters I have ever had in my life. Something I really needed.

In May of 2014 I got a promotion at work to be the nurse educator for the pre-operative and post-anesthesia care unit. The enthusiasm I have developed for this position surprised me. I thought I had lost most of my passion for nursing, but something about teaching others has re-ignited some of the excitement I used to have pre-nursing school. It was a welcome discovery, as I was beginning to seriously question my career choice.

All in all, 2014 was probably the best year of my life so far. It is, without a doubt, the best year I have had since graduating high school 10 years ago in 2004. For nine years I lived in a constant state of doubt. In college, I constantly questioned my abilities, choice of major, my religion, pretty much everything. I avoided all risks because I was afraid. I was afraid of failure in life. Going into my post-grad years, and starting my career as a nurse, I continued to question my abilities, career choice, my religion, etc.

Well, after having a wake up call in early 2013 regarding my religion, it forced me to take a big risk. I finally owned up to the fact that the LDS religion did not make me happy, and that I needed to leave. This was one of the scariest decisions I ever made, but it was also the most self-empowering.

Then in late 2013 and into 2014, I finally started to find some direction in my life. This has been a new feeling. I had no idea that life could be so colorful. I feel like I was living in black and white until this year. I am finally figuring out who I really am, and no longer trying to conform to what I think others expect of me.

Broadcasting myself on YouTube, going to Vidcon on my own and meeting strangers from the internet, taking on more responsibility at work, etc., were all things that used to be way out of my comfort zone just a short year or two ago. Now, I am quite comfortable with all of it. More than comfortable, I am enthusiastically engaged in all of the above!


I used to tell people I just wasn’t an ambitious person. I told them (and myself) I was okay with just cruising through life, taking the safe and easy path, with little desire to advance in life.

That person is dead.

I have discovered that I am actually incredibly ambitious, I just needed to discover passion for something. Luckily, I found several things, and I am incredibly excited.

It’s gonna be a great 2015, because I am going to make it that way. I hope you do to!

Here is a youtube video I made to ring in the new year!

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

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